It sounds like one or two things might be triggering the depression.

This may be a case of a person's capacity expiring for the day. When this happens, exhaustion or doneness can set in, leading to feeling super depressed.

Depending on life factors, we may have less energy in general or in a given season. I have to turn off audiobooks on low-capacity days because I can no longer process the words and ideas. I can also be really irritable or depressed when my energy runs out. Another way to look at this is connected to Spoon Theory, often associated with neurodivergence/adhd/autism. Spoon Theory suggests that we all have only a certain amount of spoons (energy pellets), but sometimes we have fewer spoons for various reasons. When we are out of spoons or energy, we are done for the day and need to recharge, aka sleep. Sometimes, we need to make adjustments to accommodate for having fewer spoons.

The second thing that comes to mind in the situation you are asking about may involve a case of The Triggers. What are The Triggers, you ask? Triggering happens when something reminds our brain of a past event(s), which raises our stress to an often noticeable level. This can set up any number of protective responses. Here is an example of triggering. Years ago, I was driving near my house in Portland when I saw a cop stopped at a light. As I approached the intersection (my light was yellow), I immediately slammed on my brakes, skidding through the intersection and making a horrible noise (not to mention skid marks). Of course, I was pulled over. When the cop asked me what happened, I honestly responded, “I am scared of you”. I hadn’t been speeding; there was no reason in that situation to be scared except for my previous police experiences.

I used to think of triggers as responsive, but they are most often pre-emptive, meaning our brain tries to protect us from what it thinks might go wrong. Being stressed before a work meeting is an example of this. We are worried about what MIGHT happen, and it puts us on edge.

The situation you described makes me think something about that time of day or bedtime is connected to painful past experiences. The stress likely starts building as the evening approaches. Therefore, a person might be able to release tension or use self-care before evening comes to reduce the severity of the nightly depression.

If triggering is what’s happening, here are a few tools:

Use a container—a container can be a symbolic object to house our emotional distress. I often tell people to name whatever container or box comes to mind that can hold their difficulty. Mine is a peanut butter jar, but I’ve seen people come up with all sorts of boxes. Write down what comes to mind. Include the shape, size, color, etc. The idea is that we picture our distress going into the box and floating away from us. Then, we “go back” to it when it makes sense, often when we are not tired.

Try 4-7-8 breathing. This is my current go-to when I’m winding down at night and need to turn my brain off. The more you do it, the faster your brain learns to relax. It can also be used to lower your heart rate/stress level as needed.

If events are triggering the situation, it is recommended to do some internal work. Curiosity is an excellent place to start. What might be causing this? If someone keeps running into a trigger and can’t get it to stop using their current skills, talking with someone is recommended. Therapists are trained to help with these sorts of problems.

The bottom line is this: it can get better. I have personally seen a lot of triggers reduced or eliminated. It’s cool to look back at something that was once a limit and know that lived reality has changed for the better.